


DR WHO CRACK THAT MAKES ME SEEM HIGH [IM NOT]

by early_sunsets_over_moronville



Category: Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Crack, Gen, LIGHTHEARTED MANIC CRACK, NO REALLY im not, bad language, brief space husbands AKA tos spock and kirk, gay married in space, here you are, i had a really bad day and wanted to kill myself so bam, im not high okay, terrible people club, total crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:27:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24686860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/early_sunsets_over_moronville/pseuds/early_sunsets_over_moronville
Summary: Zoe...” he said. Wait- why was zoe here? He hadn't even met her yet…."Mate this is Dr fucking who fucking fanfiction." Zoe said"What" asked the doctor, who was very confused.Zoe sighed. She had to deal with these idiots everyday."The authors gone feral," she said." Dr who canon is vague at best but this…. If it was anyone else i would have thought they were high! As it is,,,, i think theyre a bit….. Mad"The doctor looked confused, but then he saw a  biscuit and was no longer confused. Because it was not just any biscuit, oh no. it was a ChoCOlaTE bOuRBOn which are the best biscuits ever.{ FIGHT ME ON THIS I LOVE CHOCOLATE BOURBONS }
Relationships: Ace McShane/ Victoria Waterfield (implied), Jamie McCrimmon/ Second Doctor (implied)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	DR WHO CRACK THAT MAKES ME SEEM HIGH [IM NOT]

**Author's Note:**

> welp i wrote this. its crack. i hate it. please read

“RUN!”

The doctor ran through the double doors and shoved victoria and jamie forward. He winced as a bolt of red hit the slimy walls above his head, bursting into a dark purple flame before burning out in seconds. Victoria, the clever person she was, registered the urgency in his voice, and ( _pulling a protesting Jamie along with her, ignoring his attempts to go and help the time lord because “you’re no use to anyone dead, jamie”_ ), dashed down one of endless corridors, towards the TARDIS. 

The Doctor, on the other hand, wasn't so lucky. “Oh dear oh dear oh dear” he muttered, desperately trying to find his sonic screwdriver. He would have sworn, except the laws of the universe mean that both the doctor and victoria can not legally swear. Jamie can say shit, but nothing else. Zoe can swear like a motherfucking sailor, and i will fucking DIE on this hill.

Preoccupied as he was, he didn't notice who was ahead of him until he ran right into it.

“Ouc- ” he tried, but a hand was quickly placed over his mouth. His hands were tied behind his back.

“Don't let him speak!! “

“What why??? What can he do?”

“If he even gets a little bit hurt., his partner will cpme, the stupid feral human”

“Hmm”

The doctor wondered who that was. He wasn't exactly ‘with’ anyone

“Zoe...” he said. Wait- why was zoe here? He hadn't even met her yet….

"Mate this is Dr fucking who fucking fanfiction." Zoe said

"What" asked the doctor, who was very confused. 

Zoe sighed. She had to deal with these idiots everyday.

"The authors gone feral," she said." Dr who canon is vague at best but this…. If it was anyone else i would have thought they were high! As it is,,,, i think theyre a bit….. Mad"

The doctor looked confused, but then he saw a biscuit and was no longer confused. Because it was not just any biscuit, oh no. it was a **ChoCOlaTE bOuRBOn** which are the **best biscuits ever.**

"The fuck?"

The doctor and zoe,still tied up, turned their heads around to see two dudes walking into the corridor. One was a sassy son of a bitch half vulcan-human. The other was the motherfucker know as captain kirk.

Ace shook her head. "Wrong universe mate. The tos star trek fanfic is that way."

They nodded and left.

"Who are you?"

"Im Ace," she said. They looked confused.

" Victorias partner?" She tried. "Oh well. Anyway, im here to tell you that this is a fucking mess."

"Can you free us?" Asked Two, now in his cute fur coat that made him look like fluff.

Ace nodded. She cut the ropes on Zoes hands. Zoe ran to go and get jamie and victoria, in an attempt to try and create a _Plot (tm)_. As if. 

Ace stepped forward. Then she grabbed a metal thing, and pulled of her face to reveal….

"THE RANI!!! " Said the doctor, who by now had given up hope of getting a plot that he deserved and had resigned himself to this mess.

"YES" she said

"I AM THE RANI AND YOU" 

She shot the gun

"ARE"

The doctors hands started becoming flippers

"A PENGUIN HAHAHAHAHAH- "

She was cut off her evil laugh by victoria, who karate chopped her because victoria may be the purest soul on earth but she wont hesitate to kill a bitch. 

Jamie ran to the penguin-previously-known-as-the-doctor and gasped

"AYE YOU'VE SHRUNK"

"Wat no jamie im still the same height"

"BUT YOU 5 FOOT "

"Thats….jamie…".

Aand then penguin-dr had sad puppy dog eyes, so jamie hugged him, and gave him a nice kilt to wear.

"Your one of the clan now"

The dr put it on, then grabbed his recorder.

Jamie reached for his bagpipe at the same time. Their eyes met. 

And then jamie melted- literally- and was remoilded as....

A STUPID YET ICONIC DOGGO IN A KILT

And thats the story of how jamie and two got married

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> i am SO SORRY to literally everyone who had to read this w/ their own eyes lol. if u wanna shout at me because of this monster , my tumblr is darkgothicchicken.  
> please comment/kudos tho :)


End file.
